Shudder
by Asuya
Summary: [RMX, old fic] Everything drenched in red, how can one inflicted tell which is reality and which is delusion? Dark, angsty, with slight shounen ai.
1. Kazuki

I had a strange dream last night.

I saw a shadow, something with an indefinite shape or size. It was always changing its appearance. It approached me slowly, all the while murmuring quietly. The words, while inaudible, were strangely endearing, with a vicious hint to them.

I wondered what it was doing, or what the shadow meant. As I watched, it positioned itself a few metres away from me and extended its hand to me. I recognized the gesture as that of an inviting one. I didn't take it just yet, though. I wasn't sure what it wanted.

And then...

A drop of red fell from its hand.

_Doku._

A drop of crimson, then another, each one raining down leisurely from the hand.

_Doku._

_Doku._

A feeling of dread overcame me as I realized that they were droplets of blood.

Blood that didn't belong to the figure.

I turned to run, but found that my feet had been implanted firmly into the ground. I tried to call out for help, for Zero, but when I opened my mouth I found that my voice had been stolen from me.

It took a step closer. Another step. Closer.

Suddenly I was washed away in a torrent of blackness.

And then I woke up.


	2. Kisaragi

It always appears so vividly in the darkness of my mind. Taunting and calling out to me invitingly. Every night it comes to me, whispering temptingly in my ear, singing out delusions. Every night it becomes harder and harder to block its call out.

It's not a new sensation, not for Reploids anyway. Every time you check the news, something like this occurs, and you'll see headlines: "**REPLOIDS TURNS MAVERICK, DOZENS KILLED"**.

It's supposed to be a quick and sudden killer, but for me it approaches slowly. Like a tiny trickle.

_Doku_.

_Doku_.

Slowly it seeps into my mind, until some nights I just can't take it anymore. It laughs at me, and I yell inwardly for it to either stop or just finish the job, but always it's the same, slow, agonizing process.

And then I open my eyes, and all I can see is red. The room, the bed, the walls, everything. A deep, crimson red. Blood.

_Doku_.

_Doku_.

This has been happening to me for the past few weeks now. My energy level is always at the bare minimum, and at night, either insomnia or violent dreams greet me.

I can't...

I can't take this anymore...

It won't stop make it stop please help I'm losing my mind red blood stop...

_Doku_.

_Doku_.

It's back at my side, teasing me viciously. I try to shut it out, barricade against it, but it slides past my defenses. Violent images trail along behind it. They reach out, grab onto me, cling onto me.

It's getting worse...

And just like that, I'm lost in a sea of nightmares.

_Doku_.


	3. Uzuki

I can't sleep anymore. It haunts me during the day and night now, and if I close my eyes it will come back to torment my mind. My mind is already on the brink of it all.

My eyes can no longer stay focused on something for longer than a second before they dart away to another place. My limbs twitch against my will. I have developed a paranoia that I cannot rid myself of.

I've become a broken, run-down mess.

Zero chatters away cheerfully by my side. I want to know what he's talking about. I would give anything to be able to hold a normal conversation with him again, but now it's all I can do to pay attention long enough to give an answer.

I'm doing it again, I can tell. I can't keep my focus. It taunts me from the corner of my eye, and disappears whenever I turn to look at it.

"X?"

Like a magnet, Zero's word snaps me back to him. I can only look at him in despair. He reaches over and gently lays his hand over my cheek, stroking it soothingly. "Are you alright?"

"Yes, I'm fine. Just a little tired" I try to smile at him, but the smile dies on my lips before I can even try. All I can do is look at him helplessly.

"If something's bothering you, you should tell me, X." Zero voice flows through me comfortingly, giving me a temporary rest from my fears. Warmth seeps into me, leaving me drowsy as my body and mind remember all the sleepless nights that they've been put through.

I want to just collapse against Zero, and sleep. I don't want to wake up again, not while I'm free from my phantom.

As if he could hear my thoughts, Zero leans closer and presses his lips against mine. Strong arms wrap around me. A quiet sigh escapes from my lips as he moves to nuzzle my neck.

"X..."

On command my eyelids drop, and I slump against him. I feel his lips trailing up and down my neck, occasionally parting to murmur to himself.

The red is fading for today, fading to a dull shade of gray that tints my mind's eye. I am exhausted, I can't fight it anymore. And as Zero caresses me I slowly allow myself to fall into the darkness that threatens to swallow me whole.

_Doku_.

I'm gone.


	4. Mutsuki

Even if I scream until my voice box broke, I can't regain myself. I¡¦m lost, and broken, crushed by a heavy darkness that constricts me in a dark corner of my mind. My limbs move of their accord, my hand brings the blade down against my will.

I've lost control of myself.

It's like a bad nightmare, one I can't get out of. As I watch, innocent people are murdered, lives torn apart, and everything, both real and imaginary, are always drenched a deep red hue.

_Doku_.

_Doku_.

I've lost everything to this. Zero, I can no longer locate him. Did he disappear while I was too deep in the blackness to see anything? Or did I kill him? I don't know anything anymore.

All I know is that I've lost everything.

Whoever controls me sends a laugh through me constantly now. It's such a strange, unearthly laugh, almost like a strangled cry. Some days, when I've fought hard enough, I can feel tears trickling down my cheeks for an instant before I'm severed from my body again.

Zero, please save me.

I want to be with you again.

Buried deep beneath the darkness, I close my eyes, almost suffocating from the desire to be free again.

I can't fight anymore.

I'm drifting, drifting away from the horror, the redness, from everything.

I'll...

I'll be waiting for you, Zero.

As the last few drops of blood fall to the ground, I lose consciousness, and what little remains of me fades away.

_Doku._

_Doku_.


End file.
